The year is 2017 (although you probably knew that) and today I revive this blog. I wish I could say it was for some enlightened reason, a change in the zeitgeist that has brought me back to writing here. Unfortunately, it’s not. Truth be told it’s mostly cathartic, something to drag the untouched emotions and musings from my mind and give them a resting place that isn’t next to that memory of my 7th birthday. I honestly don’t know if anyone reads this, or if anyone ever did, but all I know is that for me, this blog is a lifeline. That literary tether that keeps me connected to my, in my opinion much more eloquent, past self.
Before writing this I actually had a little read through of my old posts. It’s strange reading thoughts you had all those years ago. It reminds you of the reason you wrote them down in the first place. The last post for example, where I berate the idea of the friend zone, was written due to a friend asking me to edit his own blog, a damning treaty about how men and women interact with each other and why it always ends up going south. I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now.
But unfortunately, despite what you believe, reality, along with your own stupid decisions, can sometimes show you that you were wrong all along. In the last few years since writing these posts a lot has happened. It would have to, it’s been nearly 5 years after all.
I graduated. I moved out. I destroyed myself. I moved back in. I dated. I fell in love. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up.
As you can probably tell, I’ve fucked up a lot. Sure we’re all human, we all make mistakes, big and small. The beauty of being able to read thoughts you had all those years ago is that you realise you never really changed at all. But it also gives you the opportunity for hindsight, for you to look back and understand why you did what you did. It gives you the chance to start again, a bit older, a bit wiser and hopefully a little bit luckier. You aim for the best and you pray things work out and with a little bit of effort, they will.
Okay, I’ve lost my train of thought now. I probably shouldn’t have written this while at my desk at work. For anyone who reads this, bonne chance and sayonara. I will be back. Who knows when. It may be tonight, it may be tomorrow. It may be another 5 years down the line when I have another bout of self-reflection. In truth, I guess this is what this blog is, a quiet part of the internet where I can dump my thoughts and look back at them. A mirror into my mind. Whether I come back to this or not, only time will tell.