So the other day, while I sat in a barber’s waiting my turn, I wrote a piece I was hoping to upload here. It wasn’t fancy, it wasn’t particularly intelligent either. The truth was, it was sad. Depressingly so.
I took a few hours and decided to reread it, to try and find out why my tone was so down. The more I read it the sadder it got and, by extension, the sadder I became. It was like a sandpit of depression, something that can lose you a foot to if you’re not too careful. So I decided against uploading it.
It’s rather funny but even at that point, I didn’t realise how sad I actually was. I just thought I was having a bad day, those down in the dumps days where you just want to throw the covers over your head and fast forward to tomorrow.
Unfortunately, I came to the realisation that I’m not in the best of places right now. I’m not the same sarcastic, hyperactive, comical character I was a few weeks back. There are various reasons why this is the case, something I won’t go into now, but I think what is epically tragic is that, if I’m being completely honest, I miss him. I miss the bumbling buffoon I was just a short while ago. I miss the unrestrained laughter, the stupid mishaps, the fun of it all.
Sadly, the more you wish to go back to a simpler time, the further away it gets. It’s like that horrible moment when you’ve just missed your train. You already know it’s gone, but you still stand there, staring as it gets further and further away. You know if you turn around you won’t have to see it, but you stay there anyway, watching, waiting, hoping that your latent superpowers kick in and you can call it back. I wish I had an epiphany to put in right now, something to end the whole thing on a lighter note. But sadly, I haven’t come up with one myself. I’m just as lost as I was when I first started writing this. Whoever said that writing was cathartic is a fart.
Either way, I don’t have much else to say right now. I guess I’m still spiralling, still scrambling at the edge of the sandpit. When I say that, I imagine a baby turtle, little arms flapping uncontrollably in the sand as he struggles to make it to the sea. I’m not quite sure why…