(Published privately February 12th)

So right now I’m sitting in a barbers awaiting my turn. While I wait I get the chance for a moment of quiet contemplation, the incessant sound of trimming humming away in the background. It’s been a strange few days for me, if I’m being perfectly honest it’s been a strange year altogether. The worst part is it’s only February.

In the last few weeks I’ve gone from the happiest man in the world to possibly one of the most miserable. Now I know that’s all hyperbole. I’m lucky in many aspects. But the truth of the matter is if something hurts you, or upsets you, or makes you feel hopeless, you rarely have the time to count your blessings.

In a few days time I’m going to be flying away. To a beautiful country, with beautiful scenery, to see a beautiful woman.

While that might sound amazing to you, despite me not explaining where I’m going, the fact is, I’m terrified.

Because rarely do things work out the way you imagine them. In my head, we’ll laugh, joke, adventure and make peace. But if you knew the full story you might think it’s all wishful thinking on my part. And yes, I’ll admit, it is wishful thinking. Not because I don’t believe it will happen, I still hold out hope there, but because regardless of what happens, we can’t turn back time. We can’t go back to a place where everything was perfect, where we held the hope of running away into the sunset, only returning for a brief moment to pass on all our amazing stories to our friends. That’s probably the worst thing about screwing up a relationship you felt so sure about. You don’t just lose the present, but you lose a future too. You lose an unlimited amount of laughs, stories and adventures.

We can’t relive the past, or bring it back. The only thing we can do is work hard, work hard and try and make our future just that little bit better. Sorry for not elaborating, maybe one day.

Anyway, the barber seems ready so I’m going to go. Its been a pleasure

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